Fake History Hunter

A remake of Time Bandits? That film I loved so much when I was a kid? I probably shouldn’t watch this, being a grumpy old fake history hunter. But do I ever listen to myself, no, never. I’ll try and pretend I didn’t see the 1980s classic. Spoilers ahead.

The room of a young history addict…

For a second I thought this was set in the future but then I remembered I’m just behind the times and that this is actually a thing that exists.

Woodhenge, this kids idea of a birthday trip. I love him. His poor parents.
This is literally my childhood. Me dragging my parents around castles and ruins on holiday while they wanted to sunbathe.

Yep, that’s me. All the kids playing, me just sitting reading a history book somewhere. Yes I also played board games on my own. Is that my long lost son? If not, can I adopt him anyway?

Closet is a portal to another place and time. My childhood dream. Who am I kidding, I still dream about having access to a time portal.

Yep, pretty realistic I reckon. 5 seconds in the past and people are already trying to kill you 🙂

A real viking appears in your room, what do you do? Of course, you ask him questions about life in his era. Oh Kev, you legend, you proper first class history addict.
Loving the parents. They hate history, obsessed with tech and future stuff. My parents weren’t like that. Poor Kev, still, it’s nice how the parents are still somehow shown in a positive light, they mean well, they just don’t get history addiction. I do like ‘Ancient Geeks’…

KEVIN IS MY LONG LOST SON! This confirms it:

Hang on. Is that a Braveheart poster? He’s not my son after all! 😉

Okay, sorry, but these are not my Time Bandits, here 1981 memories interrupted my viewing experience. I loved the original guys.

Yes, I know, I’m a sad nerd. But Kevin seeing Stonehenge being built gave me goosebumps.

Ha, fun, Ross Noble as a typical builder just on a building site, with a few words debunking all the ideas about what the function of Stonehenge was. Turns out that it was just a venue for hire, with gift shop !

Also there are impressive baddies that will give your kids nightmares. As all good kids tv series do.

So the show started good and remained okay for a bit, the eras they visited were relatively decently portrayed… but then they went to the middle ages…

There we go. Blue filter, peasants all wearing drab rags, barely any colours and of course everybody is filthy and ignorant.

I did like that Kevin brought a dinosaur skull with him that he found earlier and that people think the gang are dragon slayers. I reckon that this is why our ancestors were obsessed with dragons, they just found a dino skull somewhere.

A pig! And what did we just learn from the medieval pig book? Well the pig is at least on a leash, has a pointy snout and has bristles! Pretty good looking medieval pig I reckon.

Oh come on. Yes yes, I know, it’s a fantasy show, for kids, I get it, but what could have made it great would be that the history bits feel real and you know, if it wouldn’t spread actual fake history. In the first episode Kev told everyone about viking horns, yay, but…

Kev, you’re the best cast actor in this show, you’re great, honest, but as a history nerd you should have known that this is nonsense.

Cats weren’t killed because of the plague:

• History for atheists article
• Going Medieval article
• Lecture on how the Black Death spread
• CDC article on plague

And it was fleas not rats that were the main spreader of the plague and fleas also live on… HUMANS.
Yes, Humans were the main spreader of the plague.

And guess what I’ve got to complain about in this tavern scene? Yeah, candles were EXPENSIVE.

Well at least this castle room looks pretty decent, look plastered walls with paint in stead of bare rocks.

No Kev they didn’t. Of all the people who could have asked this the show makes Kevin, the history nerd, ask it. If he knew about the Viking horns, he would have known this:

Where is this film set? Disneyworld? Look, they even put literal filth on the roofs because you know, medieval roofs were used for dumping waste on and rain had not yet been invented…:

Kids getting married, of course. Even though they’re not nobles and in reality medieval people generally married in their late teens and twenties as nature (or if you prefer god) intended:

Sigh. Anyway, the show isn’t great because if the casting (except Kevin, he’s superb) but it would have been at least cool if the history was a bit more real and if the show wasn’t actively spreading myths & misconceptions, even if it’s a fantasy show for kids.

‘ll review the 1981 film one day, had a quick peek and look at their medieval scene: nice clothes, colours and oh look, no blue filter either…

I had given up on this show after the terrible middle ages episode but decided to return to it once more when I heard they meet Mansa Musa, one of the richest men in history.
If he really was the richest person ever is up for debate, it’s pretty difficult to estimate what his wealth was and then compare it to people who perhaps had a smaller personal fortune but ruled huge empires, etc.

Kevin tells Mansa he’s from England and the responses are ridiculous:

What? Mansa knows England as the place with the plague. Mansa probably died around 1332-1337. I assume he means the Black Death outbreak, which started in the 1340s in Asia, it didn’t reach England till 1348…
If Mansa had still been alive when the Black Death outbreak of the bubonic plague began, it would be very odd for him to connect it to England in stead of pretty much anywhere else in Europe, Asia, the middle east or Northern Africa where the plague was killing millions before it had even reached England.

Oh come on. It’s odd that Mansa even cares about England, but why on earth would he believe this nonsense? Did someone give him a Victorian history book? I know it’s comedy, I know it’s not serious, I know it’s not a documentary, but this is just stupid:

Europeans have been regularly washing, bathing, using soap & building bathhouses long before Mansa was born.
The oldest evidence of hard/solid soap existing comes from Europe.
Medieval Europeans, yes even the English, were washing daily, bathed weekly or more, loved bathhouses and cared about hygiene.
Back in Mansa’s time there’s little evidence for anyone believing Europeans in general had bad or terrible hygiene compared to others, those stories came later.

Is it international “let’s go through all the nonsense stereotypes about the English” day? The Medieval English had spices, they’d been importing them for quite some time by the 14th century. Not to mention that they had salt, pepper and plenty of herbs:

Sure, repeating lots of degrading nonsense claims isn’t offensive… Anyway Mansa, hows the slavery business going?

Kevin washes like you? Do tell, how is the caravan of hundreds, if not thousands of people in the middle of the desert doing that?

Okay, this was funny;

Yes, Mansa was well known for being a massive pacifist… sure…

So, in the end this show turned out to be a massive disappointment.
Of course I knew I wasn’t going to like a remake of a film I loved so much, I was attached to the original.
The show had some terrible casting but they found a great kid to play the role of Kevin and it started out pretty good, I was hopeful.
Alas, as it turned out the makers of the show didn’t care about history, which is kind of essential.
In stead of using the show to give children watching it some actual factual historical knowledge camouflaged as entertainment, they just repeated long debunked myths, misconceptions and nonsense, some of it quite offensive.

What a lost opportunity.

Two months after the show started it was cancelled, mostly due to the show costs, or so it was claimed.
Good riddance I say, spreading fake history is bad, even in a comedy show, especially one aimed at school going kids.
I bet a teacher somewhere showed this nonsense in a history lesson without correcting it…

The show has a 6.1 on IMDB, too generous, I gave it a 3.

For the debunking of all the medieval nonsense, check out this article;

Medieval Myths Bingo