Fake History Hunter

This article was originally a thread on social media, which is why it is formatted with lots of images and short responses.
The text is about the image below that paragraph.

So, I am done with ‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla’ and it was not good.
Before I start, here’s the trailer;

I both hate and love AC games always for the same reasons; -Wonderful historical world to explore -Stupid boring silly story -Not historically accurate enough. Valhalla was no different.

Pretty quickly I lost all interest in the story, it was difficult to care about the plot or about any of the characters, even my own. Everybody just looked so silly, so not like real Vikings but more like History Channel Vikings. Just look at these eejits;

If you buy a game that must have had so many actors recording so much dialogue, written by several people, taking weeks if not months to record… but you start skipping it all within hours of starting the game… something went wrong. Oh no, not torches…
You can read why they’re no good here;
https://fakehistoryhunter.net/2019/09/10/medieval-myths-bingo/#torchesallovertheplace

Sure, yes, the world looks very pretty, at first, but then it becomes a bit repetitive and you no longer feel much of an incentive to go exploring. It was fun to see all the remains of Roman Britain though, but it was all a bit too fallen down, too broken.

The game take place in the 9th century, Romans only left 400 years ago but it looks like there had been some sort of apocalypse, everything is in such a bad state and people are living among ruins, it’s all a bit too… dark age-ish.

I was expecting something more like this, Wroxeter in the 6th century and Jarrow in the 8th century. Life went on after the Romans left. Buildings repurposed, cannibalised, replaced, etc.
The game looks more like Romans had turned into zombies and the world ended.

The game had some good sides though, I mean it will never be not fun to destroy things and set fire to everything.
What a lovely little cottage… oops.

Just look at that pretty stained glass and… oops. This one hurt, I felt regret:

Nice church, would be a shame if… oops.

So the game soon got boring, even with the setting fire to everything. Besides, what’s the fun of wiping out villages if you’re not allowed to kill innocent civilians… yes, the game thinks Vikings shouldn’t do that!
Political correctness gone mad, 9th century style 😉

Those looms do look nice though and all those scrolls made me drool. I’d love to spend a few hours going through those;

HORNS ON HELMETS!!!
Ok, it’s on a statue, probably Thor, it’s ok, still, did scream when I spotted them.

This was fun to do.

I spend more time here than in many of the missions, just a cracking tune and some nice instruments.

A BROCH in Southern England?!! Oh dear… still, as silly as that is, I did really enjoy exploring it, love me a good broch.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broch

Square straw bales? Back then… before such machinery existed…?
Interesting sarcophagus… looks a bit young for this era…

There was talk of a warm bath, but there was no bathing, not once, no hair combing, no skinny dipping, no washing, I was disappointed.

So in conclusion, it is a silly game. With a bit more effort put into research, to try and make it authentic and oh I don’t know, write a good story, it could have been great.
Don’t buy it unless it’s on sale and you’re very curious.

PS; here are some fun drawings made by Patrick Robinson who tried to fix some of the outfits in this game. Check out more of his work here;
https://www.facebook.com/PatrickAnimation

The game would have looked a lot better if it had been historically accurate.

If you enjoy reading my reviews, here’s a list of them;

Reviews & recommended threads